How Divorce Affects Children: What California Parents Need To Know

Exploring The Emotional Impact Of Divorce On Children

Divorce impacts children in a variety of ways, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The effects depend on a plethora of factors, such as the child’s personality, their relationship with each parent, family dynamics, and their age. Some children are more resilient, especially when they are younger and adapt to the new normal, and others, especially older children, may have a harder time understanding and processing the changes.

For children between the ages of six and eleven, divorce can be particularly challenging. At this age, they’re aware of what’s happening but may not fully understand why their parents are no longer together. This lack of understanding, especially when parents don’t disclose all of the details so as to protect them, can naturally result in a deep sense of confusion and insecurity.

Therapy can be an important tool to help children navigate these emotions, and I always recommend that parents seek professional help for their kids during a divorce. It’s also crucial for parents to maintain peaceful interactions with each other and avoid putting children in the middle, as co-parenting requires cooperation for the long-term well-being of their children.

Always remember to place your child’s best interest above all else, even when it’s hard or inconvenient. They are the priority, not you, and everything you do should focus on creating a healthy, supportive environment for them. Over my time practicing family law, I’ve observed many situations and strongly believe that the following advice can go a long way to helping you center your child’s best interest throughout your divorce.

Provide A Safe Space For Emotional Expression

Make sure your child has someone, be it a therapist, close family friend, aunt or uncle etc., to express their feelings to, who is neither you nor the other parent. This allows the child to share their emotions—anger, sadness, confusion—without feeling pressured about how their feelings may impact you. A neutral, trusted third party can be huge for their emotional well-being.

Realize You Chose To Parent With Your To-Be Ex

Accept that you chose to have a child with your to-be ex, and now, regardless of their flaws, you need to figure out how to co-parent with them. You need to differentiate between your needs and your child’s needs—your child likely needs a consistent relationship with the other parent, even if you don’t want to see them anymore. Set aside personal grievances to focus on what’s truly best for your child.

Jordana Better of the Law Office of Jordana N. Better in California is a dedicated family law attorney with a strong focus on child custody cases. With years of experience, she has helped countless families navigate the emotional hurdles of divorce and ensure that children’s best interests remain the priority. Her compassionate approach and firsthand knowledge of how these issues impact children have guided many clients through difficult times.

If you need legal advice to protect your child’s well-being during a divorce, contact Jordana for trusted, experienced counsel.

Avoid Negative Talk About The Other Parent

Do not allow anyone around your child—be it a new partner, family member, or friend—to badmouth the other parent. Children tend to see themselves as a combination of both parents, so hearing negative things about one parent can make them internalize those traits and damage their self-esteem. Even small gestures, like removing pictures of your ex, can subtly affect how a child perceives themselves.

Custody cases can be extremely tough, especially because they affect the most innocent party: the child. As an attorney, I love handling property division—it’s straightforward, and it’s something that can be rebuilt. Custody, however, is never that simple. These cases often don’t have a clear answer, and that makes it difficult because, unlike money or assets, the outcome has lasting emotional effects on children. It’s a much heavier responsibility to take on with far more lasting effects on those involved—willingly or unwillingly.

There’s no worse feeling than seeing a custody arrangement that is clearly not in the child’s best interest. The amount of discretion courts give to judges can result in decisions that are difficult to understand or predict. Adults, at least, are supposed to have some control over their situations, but children are thrown into these arrangements with no choice in the matter.

Despite how difficult custody cases are to navigate, I continue to handle them because someone has to. I know I’m competent at what I do, and while the overall field of family law may not offer many wins in the traditional sense, the goal is to get the best possible outcome. This is particularly important when it comes to protecting children and ensuring their well-being.

Divorce is a necessary process, but it doesn’t mean it’s an easy one. In any divorce, you will lose half—whether it’s time with your children, your assets, or even just emotional stability. It’s unavoidable. Like shedding skin, it’s about getting through it to emerge better on the other side. But, as I mentioned earlier, the reality is that no one regrets the divorce itself; they regret how it happened or how they handled it, but not the act of divorcing.

In child custody, that realization happens in real time. You’re there when things finally start to turn and progress when both sides begin to understand what’s best for the child. In general divorces, that shift often comes much later, long after the legal process has ended. By then, people come to terms with their decisions and often see that the pain and struggle were necessary steps toward a better future.

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